haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I am spending my child support on dildos
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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