saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize