so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
