i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
