I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
