I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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