I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize