i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
