Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
