Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
