Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize