I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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