PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
