Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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