please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
