Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
