DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
