Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
