ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
