I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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