you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize