Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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