this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You took a bar mat shot.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
