Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
