she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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