I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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