no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
