The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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