I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
