Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
