I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
