A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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