Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
