Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize