I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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