No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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