I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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