If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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