Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
babies were throwing up all over the place
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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