I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Randomize
