can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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