dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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