hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
