U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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