it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
