two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
