It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
