If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
All I want is dick and wine.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
