I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
