She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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