you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
