you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
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