Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
