I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
