The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
