He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
