It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
