I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so let's talk penis.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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