the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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