His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
