evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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