i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you will always have a special place in my vag
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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