I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
