i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
