i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Randomize
