OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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