Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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