He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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