dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
