that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize