What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
