Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
