dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He? As in you personified your dick?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
