Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
