I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
