I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize