using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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