I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
