i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
