Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize