I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
