can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
