You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
