Define "chronic" masturbator.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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