Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize