You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
