I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
