he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Mom said you looked used
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
