Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I wear drunk well.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
