ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
