the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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