I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
