he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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