Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
