yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
