jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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