No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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