Umm I'm too high to move.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
