well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
