No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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