I'm gonna have a badass scar
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
