Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
