It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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