Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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