I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
